As the LP and I were driving to pick up the boys from their care provider yesterday we heard an ominous thud on the passenger side of my vehicle shortly after I turned a corner onto a busier two-lane residential street.
I stopped. I looked behind me. A blonde mid sized dog – looking terrified and hunched over – was standing up in the middle of a fairly busy residential street. Cars were coming in both directions. She was frozen, the proverbial deer in headlights. The cars stopped. She began moving. I pulled ahead so I could stop my car safely off the road and immediately ran back.
I had not seen her. Nor had the LP. She hit the vehicle on the side, though there is no damage to the car.
When I ran back I saw a man in a big pick up truck with a mixed breed dog in the back seat with his window open. I asked if the dog was his. She was.
I burst into tears and said I was so sorry, we had not even seen her coming. He said “I know. She got off her leash. I know.”
He asked me to wait right where I was and see if she came that way. I said yes and remained stationed there. I also looked in the yards nearby. The man returned on foot, calling out a name. I asked him how I could best help.
He told me her name is Flash and his wife had seen her go into the alley behind the street where she was hit but then lost her.
On foot, I looked up and down alleys, side streets, in yards. The LP drove around looking as the man had told me Flash would never come to a male stranger but might come to a woman. Eventually I sent the LP to go get our kids. I kept walking, calling, searching, pleading for mercy and a positive outcome for poor Flash. I prayed and I begged: God please let poor Flash be okay. Please.
I never saw Flash again. After about an hour, when the LP had returned and driven around some more and reported he could not find the couple who had been on foot looking for her, the LP convinced me they must have found her and we should go home.
I cried the entire drive home, most of last evening and over night when I could not sleep. I remain a hot mess, stuck at work with my door closed and a pool of mascara on each cheek after having called all of the emergency vet clinics and even the vet clinics near that area that were open late enough that they might have taken Flash there. The staff at the front desk in each of those clinics were very kind. None had taken in a dog like Flash last night.
I’ve revisited the scene in my mind over and over again. I have played out countless “what if” scenarios, all of them agonizingly open ended as I have no idea what happened to poor Flash.
I do not know what else to do. Nor do I have any idea how to make peace with any of this.
The LP keeps reminding me it’s not my fault, I was not driving fast, I was not acting negligently. But that is not the issue. I was in an accident in which someone’s beloved pet and family friend got hurt, maybe died. I have no idea if Flash is alive or dead. Or how I could help, if at all.
What I have is a mess of feelings and thoughts I can neither reign in nor erase. With a heavy heart I continue to pray for Flash and her family. Above all I feel lost.