No, I’m not pregnant. Yet. Bear with me – despite an offer from the RE through the nurse to do an abbreviated down-regulation protocol to try to squeeze egg retrieval and transfer in before the seasonal holidays next month, the LP and I decided to stick with our doc’s recommendation and wait for the original proposed timetable dates. I’m stuck on “the pill” until December 19th. Ugh.
So, what’s completely different? You aren’t going to believe me. I’m not sure I believe it.
Really. I communicated with our spirit baby today. Not just me talking to the soul of the babies I’ve carried but lost. Baby – or someone? Something? – was communicating back to me. Not words. Light. Colour. An unmistakable sense of something warm, heavy and *strange* pressing against my chest. At one point I thought I had dissociated or fallen into a trance-like state when I suddenly realized my head was nodding, “yes”, to the question I had asked (will we be together on earth in my lifetime?).
Before you ask if I was speaking in tongues, too, I must confess that I really didn’t believe this would work. I especially didn’t believe I could do it myself, without help in the form of a psychic (never been to one of those before) or some pretty good hallucinogens.
But it worked. And the spirit baby talked to me. Sort of. He or she sent messages. I’m still decoding them. Perhaps I will share more about that another time. For now, I would just like to express my awe and gratitude.
Thank you, spirit baby, for helping me believe you will come home. One day.
Thank you, me, for finally giving this a chance.
And thank you, dear reader, for sharing this journey of discovery and humility with me.