If you believe it, I believe it

I promised to share details of my attempts to communicate with the spirit of the babies we have conceived but not carried to term.  As I embark on fulfilling that promise, I am reminded of the Buddhist expression that when student is ready, teacher appears.  What follows, for me, has been a personal realization of that phenomenon.

I began this journey by reading a post about spirit babies sometime last year that touched me deeply.  I first read the excerpt from Peggy Vincent’s book, Baby Catcher: Chronicles of  a Modern Midwife on mommyfriend’s blog: http://mommyfriend.com/2010/04/30/spirit-baby/

After our third lost pregnancy this year, I stumbled across an article about the book, Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child you were Meant to Have by Walter Makichen.  After humming and hawing, I ordered it on Amazon. More about Walter (sadly deceased in 2011) here: http://www.waltermakichen.com/

I have read almost the entire book but it took me time to warm up to the idea of meditating for the purpose of attempting to communicate directly with the spirit or spirits of the babies we have lost.  The LP and I have talked about the concept of spirit babies and we both believe that our toddler does embody the spirit of the babies we lost before him, especially the first one.  This is a stretch for us, as both the LP and I are not very ethereally oriented.

By now, I have tried on a few occasions to reach out to our spirit baby and engage in communication.  I have had the sense that we are communicating – that is, that the spirit baby is communicating back to me – twice, possibly three times.  I am not batting 100% but I’d still make the team, I think.

The first time, I mostly saw colours and felt a presence with me.  When I asked the most pressing question (to me) – “will we be together in this lifetime?” – I waited what felt like an eternity before I felt my own head nodding, but I was not making it bob.  I took that to mean yes.  Wishful thinking or spiritual communication?  I don’t know, but I hope this is the real deal.

I asked a similar question the second time I tried to reach out to our spirit baby.  After waiting long enough to believe I was not going to receive a response, I envisioned a young boy pulling a can of sparkling lemonade out of a cooler filled with ice on a sunny day and smiling at me.  I started to cry in the here and now.  Could it really be?  A second child might really come home to us?  It seems almost too good to be true.

By the way, Makichen says that although a spirit baby may present as one gender or the other to you during your pre-conception or pre-birth communications, this is not a guarantee that the spirit baby will take the same gender when conceived.  Sometimes they end up as they appear to you, sometimes they don’t.

Makichen makes some suggestions of things to ask your spirit baby if you make contact.  One of them is whether there is anything you can do to facilitate conception/pregnancy/birth.  When I asked that question recently, I felt this sharp pain in my head.  I leaned my head back, against the chair in which I was sitting, and tried to relax.  As I did so, the pain left.  The message?  I need to relax.

Another question Makichen suggests is why the spirit baby chose you as a parent.  If that isn’t a loaded question, I don’t know what is.  I gathered up my courage and asked this one.  I waited a long time for a response, thought I was nodding off when I found myself in a room with an older man talking about something I was having trouble following.  He looked like a professor.  The word “education” came to mind.

“Are you here to teach me?” I asked the spirit baby.  No response.   I don’t know if I’m supposed to be the teacher, the pupil, or a conduit for higher education for the spirit baby, but until the spirit baby tells me otherwise, I’m taking “learning” as the spirit baby’s answer to this question.

The day that I had these more detailed communications with the spirit baby, I told the LP that I was reluctant to share details about my attempts for fear he would think I have lost my mind.  I also admitted I  don’t know how to believe it myself.

His response?  “If you believe it, I believe it.”

Good answer.

9 thoughts on “If you believe it, I believe it

  1. This is such a powerful post. You and I have a lot in common—I think we both have an ability to visualize, to use our mind/heart to “see” and communicate with spirit. The voices and visions are inside and outside—it’s all part of the same fabric. You (and LP) remind me to believe. Thank you for that.

    Learning, education. Yes—I have often felt that if there is a reason for my being this conduit of life and death, it has something to do with education. Educating myself, others. Helping the community understand what women go through. Helping women go through this.

    A shaman/yoga teacher said that she feels I’m a conduit for life that only needs a short time here on earth, because it is so highly evolved, it only needs to be here for a few weeks. I’m not sure what I think of that, but I can get behind the general idea of being a conduit for a reason…

    Please keep writing about your communication with spirit baby. It’s inspiring. You are rising up and seeing the larger picture, the whole tapestry of it, not just the maddening little bits of the IF treatment world. It’s so refreshing.

  2. I’m not sure how I’d feel about that comment from your teacher, either. Kind of like “everything happens for a reason”. 5 miscarriages have made me resent hearing that phrase though I know it is usually offered in consolation. It doesn’t console me.
    Good for you to take what works from it for you.

    Thank you for encouraging me to keep writing about this. It is tough slogging. I am still afraid I’m tricking myself but I know that thought is Fear trying to protect me. So… I will write on this again. Soon. Thank you.

    • Oh yes—I always feel like I am tricking myself, that I’m being a fool. Self-protection: “Don’t be a fool.” But there’s nothing foolish about trying to be a positive person and figure out what this trip is about.

  3. hello, i love how you titled the post &ended it the same. ❤ beautiful. i would like to share with you two people who have helped me so much with prebirth communication. Kelly Maheen http://www.birthhealing.com/ helps with birth loss & connecting with your spirit babies. same as with Kate http://lovefrombaby.com/about-kate-2/ they are both very helpful &good hearted &dedicate their lives to helping us… our spirit babies use them as tools i guess you could say<3 o:) I hope this brings light into your heart &into your life. ps when i have prebirth communication with my spirit babies, i tend to get the same feelings…. is it all in my head? i dont know why i do that…. BUT the truth is in your HEART. noone can tell you if youre right or wrong &accepting that &affirming that is what has been growing my communication:) so forget that doubt! follow your heart. love & light to you:)

  4. The Spirit Babies book helped me after 3 miscarriages and multiple rounds of IVF. This was back 2008-2009. I made the investment and had a phone consultation with Walter back then. He was amazing and told me I had 2 spirit babies around me, a boy and girl. He gave meditations and visualizations to help strengthen and protect the pregnancy. When I got pregnant with my daughter and the pregnancy was threatening to miscarry, I did the meditations. I felt comfort in that. I honestly didn’t perceive any communication with her until after the pregnancy was safe. She was born in 2010. I figured we were done, I was already 40, we were out of funds for IVF. I was happy and content with our daughter. Just after she turned one, we were surprised with another pregnancy. Both my husband I felt we were going to have another daughter, when we had our ultrasound, we found out we were having a boy. It was a surprise. I was wondering if you were able to have the child you visualized?

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You’re so fortunate to have had a consult before he died! I visualized a boy and did eventually bring home a second son. I also lost a daughter and thought/hoped we would fulfil our promises with her but that didn’t happen and my immune issues make having another pregnancy out of the question – too grave a risk to my survival and I can’t imagine orphaning the two boys I was blessed to bring into this world alive.

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