The Waiting Game (and how I hate it!)

Patience has never been my strong suit.  Today is ER (egg retrieval) day for the woman with whom we have contracted to help us ahieve our goal of having another healthy child.  The RE promised to call me after the procedure to give me the lowdown (did we get 6 mature eggs? are there more than 6 available should I be paranoid and want to contract for one more as “insurance”?).  I’ve been waiting all morning and it’s now 1:00 p.m.  I want to throw up, I’m so stressed about this.  That cannot be good.  Yet, it is what it is. Here I am and this is how I feel. Stressed and anxious for an update.

The Plan, Step 2 (Step 1 is getting enough mature eggs) is to have our eggs fertilized using ICSI with the LP’s defrosted swimmers.  I hope those boys thawed properly (another thing to worry about!) and I hope that they aren’t upset about not getting to do much swimming before they’re jammed into those wee eggs.  Do your business, boys!

Step 3 will be to wait and see how many of our eggs are then fertilized.  That news should come tomorrow.  Good Friday.  I hope that’s a positive omen.

Step 4 will be to wait until day 5 or 6 and see how many of our eggs (a) survive and (b) turn into blastocysts of sufficient quality to freeze for a later transfer to my anxiously awaiting lady cave.  That’s Easter Monday where we are (a made-up, non-statutory holiday though the LP and I will be at our posts as our offices are open and we are both buried in work).  One day after Mandy’s official due date (Easter Sunday), though we knew if s/he had made it, s/he would already be at home with us because I’d have been induced a few weeks ago. 

Still, I don’t know what to make of that.  I could do without the reminder of what for me was our most devastating miscarriage, but I am hopeful that all of this is coming together as it should at the exact time it should. A rebirth, of sorts (if I were raised in the Christian faith this would probably be monumental… I wasn’t, so it isn’t, but I still think the symbolism is pretty awesome). 

What about Step 5?  Yeah, that.  I’m too scared to think about that because I have so much anxiety about something going off the rails at Steps 1 through 4.  But if we get to Step 5, I hope it’s next month and I hope it’s a natural transfer.  I guess that depends on my body cooperating.  And I have no idea if she’ll be up for that or not.  Those are worries for another day.

Today is dedicated to the little eggs and the woman who’s making them.  I sure hope all is going according to The Plan…

7 thoughts on “The Waiting Game (and how I hate it!)

  1. Ah! I’m feeling anxious with you hon! I hope you got a stellar amount of mature eggs today and keeping everything crossed that everything falls into place over the next few days!

    • Thank you for being right here with me. We contracted for 6 eggs and asked to be able to buy extra if available. After stripping (required for ICSI and to determine mature vs not) there were no extras available so we have our 6 mature eggs and await the fertilization report today. Fingers crossed!!!

        • Just got report from the RE – all 6 fertilized! I’m so relieved. Thank you so very much, I feel like you’re my good luck charm because you’re closer to our embies than I am right now (and becuase you’re an expat and because you’re just so incredibly amazing!). I love and am so grateful that I have your support. Big hugs!

        • Yay!!! Great news! I’m so relieved for you! I hope my local presence works some magic! Sending your little embies lots of love and light to grow into strong blastocysts! Big hugs back!

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