Everything is Awesome

I confess: I hated The Lego Movie. To be more accurate, I hated the portion of it I watched before the LP, the Miracle Baby and I left the theatre (because the MB was really not into it and despite appreciating the irony of some aspects of this film, the story line was horrible and the music really annoying in that “Seasons in the Sun” kind of way).  Yes, the kind where you cannot get the song out of your head and can’t help but kind of like it even though it’s sugary pop of the worst varietal.

I only recently discovered that Tegan & Sara co-created that song with comedy group The Lonely Island.  I have a soft spot for T&S so I’m forgiving my own indulgence when this song pops into my head unannounced and uninvited, as it did when I was thinking of a title for this post.  And because, well, everything in this moment IS awesome.

On Wednesday, I got a brief e-mail update from our new RE (reproductive endocrinologist for those fortunate enough not to know).  Our six mature eggs resulted in three blastocysts, all with “good grades”. Their first report cards! I’m so proud of you, embryos!  The note also said to arrange a call to discuss next steps, meaning my natural (i.e., no drugs to suppress or force ovluation) FET (frozen embryo transfer) next cycle.  Which cycle is due to start… er… late next week!  EEP!

Also on Wednesday (April 23) , super amazing mom of Carter, quilter and quintisentially real and sincere blogger Jo nominated me for a Liebster Award.  I was shocked and deeply touched and accepted the nomination.  I even stayed late at work to sneak in the post responding to the nomination while the LP was home and believed I was working.  (Shh, don’t tell. He rarely reads my blog anyway so it’s his own fault!)

Thursday (April 24) was day 6.  The day of my call with the RE about next steps.  I woke up anticipating the call in the afternoon.  But first, in the morning, I saw a hare less than a foot from our living room windows.  She looked right at me.  If I’d spoken to her aloud, she would have heard me say: Hello, Hare!  Are you here to remind me that you’re a symbol of fertility and have visited me before while I tried to communicate with our spirit babies?  Why, thank you. Your timing is impeccable!  A moment later, a pair of magpies swirled into the same yard and landed a few feet from where the hare had been.  They shone brilliantly in the morning light (overcast as it was).  Two for mirth, remember?

It felt like forever before my time for the call with our new RE rolled around. The low down: we have 2 day-5 embryos at blastocyst stage graded 4AA and 1BA respectively and 1 day-6 blastocyst graded 4BB. The number refers to how expanded they are. 1 is not expanded, is fully hatching. 4 is well-expanded. The first letter refers to the quality of the cells that will form baby; the second letter grades the quality of the cells intended to form the placenta. According to the RE, all three are good quality and have a chance of making a take-home baby.

The plan is to put back the best quality (4AA) on his or her lonesome during a non-medicated or “natural” cycle in which we let my body do her thing and once ovulation is determined, we count forward 5 days and on that magical 5th day, we thaw that 4AA and pray s/he survives that process, then we transfer her/him into my perfectly-lined uterus. A blood test will tell me if we hit gold or not about 9 or 10 days later. I may succumb to peeing on a stick at home before then. I can say I won’t, but I know me and I am weak when it comes to such things. It’s too early to fret about that. First things first.

I am hoping to start my transfer cycle next Thursday or Friday. Ordinarily it would be unlike my period to be late, but she might play Loki just this once. We’ll see.

On May 8th I will fly down to our new clinic, where beloved embryos await. We will monitor my ovulation and then I can either come home if it’s early enough in the week of May 12 or stay there if not. The LP will fly down on May 16 provided things are more or less on track and transfer will be May 17 or 18 (assuming the other dominoes in this chain sync up). That is only 3.5 weeks from right now!

I spent the afternoon and early evening in a state of anxiety and dread, as though a dark cloud had descended over me once we had this plan in place. The RE told me he really wants me to relax, as much as I am capable of relaxing. He explained that he passed over the original plan of me coming down for a baseline ultrasound for this reason – so that I would not have the stress of travelling there and back late next week for a five-minute check. He said he would not advise that if it would in any way jeopardize the success of our cycle and did so to facilitate his orders that I try to calm down and chill out (as much as I can). I’m glad, that’s one less travel expense and unexplained absence from work I can live without.

I really want to be super positive and excited, but it has been hard these past few hours. However, I feel the tide is turning. I got some great news from a friend (pregnant! after much pain and struggle) tonight and I found the pre-conception baby communication cards in the mail tonight. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy them but did a while ago on a whim. The idea behind the cards is for you to focus on communicating with your unborn or not-yet-conceived child and to be open to any messages from her/him/them. The question in my mind for our spirit baby was whether she or he would be growing inside me soon or if we’d be waiting some more. The first two cards I pulled:

1. I have a message for you
2. Do not be afraid please

How much more perfect could that have gone? Thank you, Spirit Baby.

And so? Everything is awesome. And I commit myself to believing it will be even more awesome very soon.


13 thoughts on “Everything is Awesome

  1. Yay!!! I’m so happy to read this! That is beyond awesome news! Go Embryos go! Those are amazing signs! Stay strong hon. I have such a good feeling about this! I will be thinking about you so much in the weeks to come and sending so many prayers!

    • Thank you so much for thinking of me and for the prayers. I can’t even say how desperately I want this to work. I need to believe it will, period. I know you’re in that boat, too. Believing is a tall order after all we have gone through, though, isn’t it? We must!

  2. Perfection in the cards! and excellent news on the embryos! Similar to the reports I got on mine. You’re golden! You got this! Hang on tight. Thinking of you and the little ones. They want to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

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