Of course my body is not cooperating with my best-laid plan. Why would it be?
I hoped to get my period yesterday. I expected her by today. Is she here yet? Would I be writing this if she were? Darn it!
In an effort to while away the time waiting for Red to show up and to keep the faith (because I struggle with believing this is going to work, despite thrashing all thoughts of it not working within an inch of their lives every time they come up of late), I have been having a few adventures.
One such adventure involved the MB (Miracle Baby, now Miracle Toddler) inadvertently pitching my phone into a very hot bath (drawn to encourage Red to show up, of course). I resent others for their addiction to their make-us-not-so-smart phones but did not appreciate until the last couple of days how much I rely upon my own (it’s my only alarm clock, it’s how I get updates about MB (MT) when I’m at work, it’s how most people I care about get in touch with me by telephone when I’m not at work, it’s my calculator, camera… the list goes on). I am humbled. I’m also a little annoyed to find out that I cannot get the one I want to replace the RIP phone until next week (all because I asked for one with more memory – the minimal-memory one is available sooner) but I’m accepting that hiccup as a lesson for me to live almost a week without a make-us-asocial phone (and all of the other tools it represents for me). A teaching moment!
In a more productive effort to while away the time or deflect my attention to it passing without Red making an appearance, I have been reading some of my animal spirit guide cards by Dr. Steven Farmer. Twice I have drawn the Boar, which guides us to face challenges with confidence and courage (I’m working on that). Most recently I drew the Manatee. Ah, the beautiful, gentle Manatee who has the serenity to accept those things she cannot change and the wisdom to know what those things are. Of course you are guiding me now. Can you loan me some of that wisdom and serenity, dear Manatee?
I have come to see the magnitude of Manatee’s wisdom after having served several eviction notices on the lining of my lady cave. All of my efforts have been for nought. Red is never late. Until she is. And the more I will her to show up, the less evidence there is that she intends to do so before she is good and ready. Why would this be a surprise to me? Because I am not guided by the Manatee, obviously!
Thank you, Manatee, for coming to guide me when you have. I am sorry I did not heed your call. You warned me that your way was best. And, true to form, I did not listen. I have much to learn.
With any luck, Red will show up sometime soon and we will get started on our DE IVF FET cycle. (I know what you’re thinking, I’m just showing off my use of acronyms – how many capital letters can I string together into a sentence? At least 8, apparently!) Regardless of whether she shows up today, I’m not changing my flight down to our new clinic next Thursday (unless she shows up days from now, God forbid!). And I’m still hoping she comes for a visit yet so we can get this party started.
In the meantime, I plan to pay a little more attention to Manatee’s advice and try to let nature take its course. If you don’t believe me, I can’t blame you. Serenity and wisdom appear a little beyond my reach. But I’m trying! At least there will be no more eviction notices for the time being.