I am in awe of we women (by “we”, I trust you know who you are) who, despite failed cycles, devastating pregnancy losses (at any stage, because they are devastating no matter when they happen) and infant loss, face a new cycle of trying-to-conceive with hope and an open heart filled with prayers that it not be broken… again. There is a resilience required of us that I rarely stop to contemplate, but today I am intensely aware of how much courage, faith, hope and endurance it takes to run this marathon time and time again.
I am humbled to be in such powerful company. Many of my compatriots have moved on to pregnancy in the last year. To all of you: heartfelt congratulations! I am cheering each of you on. Even on my darkest days I am so grateful for the light that has come into each of your lives and I pray it stays there to brighten your days for years to come. I hope one day to join you on “the other side”. Confession: I am hoping that day comes soon.
Today is day one of the cycle in which I hope and pray we transfer the one frozen embryo that becomes our healthy, living second child. Except for taking progesterone supplementation around transfer time until beta day or, hopefully, until the placenta takes over supplying that hormone in sufficient quantities for me to wean off the supplementation, this is a drug-free cycle. I’m still taking some supplements, including some new ones based on epigenetic research, as well as the Traditional Chinese Medicine herb blend my acupuncturist prescribes for me (it’s intended to help maintain or restore balance and to support sustainable pregnancies for women who suffer from recurrent pregnancy loss).
I will travel to our new clinic on May 8, 2014 (5 more sleeps!) to start monitoring for natural ovulation, which should happen the following week (fingers crossed for no more delays!). The LP and our Miracle Toddler will join me a week later, on May 15, 2014. By then we are all hoping I will have ovulated and transfer will be a few days away. I cannot wait to show the Miracle Toddler the beach, the ocean, sunshine and blue skies (all on the same day, hopefully!).
May is a good month for us. The LP and I celebrate our wedding anniversary the day before I leave. May is also the month of the natural cycle in which I got pregnant unexepectedly before we geared up to start IVF for the first time. That surprise gave us the Miracle Toddler. I wonder if the synchronicity of these events is a good sign or merely coincidence?
I smudged myself and our home on some sage advice (pun intended). I owe a heartfelt thank you to TG for the suggestion and the loan of her sage and feather for this purpose. We have turned over a new leaf. This is a new beginning. It is day one of a brand new cycle – The Cycle – so of course I am filled with hope. This time will be different. The signs and our spirit babies are telling me so. And I choose to believe them.