Exuberantly (albeit cautiously) Optimistic

I am five days past our transfer of one beautiful 5-day blastocyst.  This morning I hoped I’d see two lines on the home pregnancy tests.  No luck.  My faith momentarily faltered but I tried to remind myself that it is still early.  After a busy afternoon spent with our Miracle Toddler, I decided to tempt fate one more time.  Here we go…

Image

(The test lines look darker and pink in real life.  You’ll have to take my word for it.)

I am awash with gratitude, fear and hope.  The tests this evening were very faint, but clearly positive.  My first beta-hCG (blood test) is the day after tomorrow (Tuesday, May 27th).  

Thank you, God. 

Thank you, Universe. 

Thank you, readers and fellow bloggers. 

And thank you, Me.  As the LP has said, I have worked so hard for this.  Of course, hard work hasn’t won many of us our battles with the fertility albatross we lug around each of our necks.  And of course this is not the end of the line.  A lot could go wrong before we cross the finish line.  But for today, everything is awesome.

Today, I am over the moon ecstatic.  And ever so exuberantly – albeit cautiously – optimistic. 

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45 thoughts on “Exuberantly (albeit cautiously) Optimistic

  1. I can totally see the lines, such a beautiful sight! Did you emit a micro-second squeal of joy? I can’t wait until you get to revise “cautiously optimistic” with an EDD but I know, it’s all about patience and focusing on the front end right now. I’m so very happy for you.

    • I may have squealed. There was definitely a gasp and an “eep!” in there. Like you, I’m just so scared of things going wrong but really hoping (like you) that this time truly is different. Thank you so much for being happy for me, that means more than you know.

      • Well my 5dp6dt I was dumb and tested in the evening.. So thinking the next morning it should be darker and it wasn’t. It didn’t get a little darker until 8dp6dt. My first beta was a 56 at 10dp6dt so my beta had to been super low like a 15 around the first times I tested. Just remember it only doubles 48-72 hrs later so the next few days tests should look about the same. I completely freaked out thinking I was having a chemical so don’t freak like I did! Haha

        • Funny you mention that… This is exactly what I did and freaked out. You’d think I’d know better after so many chemicals and miscarriages in the past. I think I’m just do desperate for this to be it for us. Thank you so much for sharing your experience – reminded me to chill out and have patience (easier said than done!).

  2. Whohoo! It was that roaring attitude of yours! It just HAD to work out because you were not accepting any other conclusion. Is that not a perfect example of the law of attraction or what? 🙂 Best of luck with the Beta tomorrow. Come on sticky bean!!!

    • Ha ha! Thank you. Digital was positive this morning so I hope the number is where it should be – I’m only 7dp5dt so 12dpo so I’m not expecting anything crazy high. Funny – DH had a dream the other night in which one of the characters was named Twinsie and said he hoped that was not a sign. We only transferred one so I don’t think that’s at all likely but it did make me laugh.

        • Tell me about it. This will be loss #8 for us, 6 in the past 18 months after we had our one successful pregnancy.

          So glad things are looking up for you however. Good luck with everything.

        • I’m so sorry. I really don’t know what to say, never having been through such a loss. I can only imagine heartbreaking, although no, even that I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.

        • Maybe I don’t know enough about this entire process, but a huge part of me just thinks there has to be a way for everyone who wants a baby to have one, or two, or three… There just has to be a way… Do we need more research? I don’t know, I’m randomly talking now. I just want happiness and love for everything. This world is so unfair sometimes.

        • I think you may be right. In 5, 10 or more years it may be really obvious to Western Medicine what’s wrong in my case and other women’s cases. That will be too late for me, unfortunately. It’s so lovely that your make-up is so upbeat and beautiful. Thanks for sharing that.

        • I’ve done all my infertility treatments at a large teaching University. I trust them, they research a ton, have good results, etc. That said though, they obviously don’t get everyone pregnant, our ultimate goal. My mom works in a small family practice clinic maybe 30 minutes from this large hospital. At that small clinic there is a doctor who experienced infertility herself, and thus has done a ton of research. She is somehow getting women pregnant, including herself, who weren’t successful with any other means. Kind of amazing in a way. I don’t know much about her, in fact, I sent her my chart but then never followed up once I found out I was pregnant through this IVF cycle we just completed. Apparently though she is all about finding out why a couple isn’t getting pregnant, believing there is no such thing as unexplained fertility. Anyway, not sure where I’m going with this, other than to say, have faith. We just never know what the future might bring.

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