In a former workplace I was told that I am an expert apologizer. In my profession, a sincere-sounding but not necessarily heartfelt apology can work wonders. I had never really thought of myself as issuing insincere apologies, though I have always aimed for diffusion using carefully crafted rhetoric as a means to an end (part of growing up in a household with some explosive anger perhaps?).
I’m not proud of the fact that my former colleague capitalized on what she considered to be my skill at crafting apologies to diffuse situations and garner a desired outcome to manipulate others with an ostensible apology when what she really wanted (and meant) to say was “up yours, you idiot!” Knowing she took away from my efforts an opportunity to manipulate others for self-serving ends has always made me question my own motives when apologizing – even when it’s a truly humble and personal expression of remorse. Some people really know how to ruin the simple things in life.
With that seemingly non-sequitorial confession in mind, I hope that you, my dear readers and friends, will accept this genuine, heartfelt apology for my lack of presence lately. I am sorry for not being around much and for not writing – on my blog or yours – lately. I feel particularly remorseful about not having yet prepared and posted my Blog Hop post in response to the very kind and much appreciated invitation to do so from Johanne at My Hope Jar.
It’s been a weird week-and-a-bit. I’m on new drugs (prednisone and synthroid). I’m exercising more, which is a very good thing. I have been super busy at work, which is also good, but not sleeping enough (thank you, drugs), which is not so good. Today I am feeling really out-of-sorts and wondering if I’m having some bad drug side effects (I feel super dizzy and lightheaded) or just getting used to the changes. I do not feel quite myself and I don’t recognize the person I feel like. It’s a little strange. And not quite the right head-space or capacity in which to write my Blog Hop post.
So, unfortunately, I must postpone that post and any others for now with a sincere “I am very sorry”. I miss you all and I will be back… Eventually.