Blog Hop? Ready or Not, Here I Come

I was recently invited by Johanne at My Hope Jar to take part in a Women’s Blog Hop. The following is my acceptance speech, so to speak.

First, a litle bit about me.

When I was small, I wanted to be two things. First, a writer. Second, an artist. I do not consider myself either and I have to credit my mother for crushing the dream of pursuing a career in either area on account of her anxiety that I’d never eat and pay the rent.

I have a photograph of me as a child in pyjamas typing a story at some unGodly hour of the morning, when I’m sure it had woken me needing to be told. It might have been about horses. The only story I can find from that era is one about a horse giving birth. I have never actually witnessed that and I am such a literalist it amazes me to look back and realize that this kid who had never seen such a thing could write a story about it. My mind and heart were so much more free, so unfettered, then. I mourn that loss of innocence. Often.

To prove my mother wrong, I did grow up to be a writer of sorts. Much of my best work is done in writing (other bests included some pretty awesome courtroom wins and I suppose some pretty spectacular losses, though I’d only count those among my bests insofar as they have toughened and smartened me up). Before this job I was a different kind of professional writer, doing research, writing and grassroots advocacy. I also worked in radio, but I was not a writer there.

I do not identify myself as a writer even though being a writer would be my dream job. By that I mean a creative writer. The trouble is, I seem to have lost most of my creativity along the path to paying the rent and trying to grow a family, the latter of which has taken an incredible toll on me physically, financially, mentally, spiritually, emotionally – in short, in every way humanly imaginable. Hence my RPL blog being the vortex into which most of my non-work words have been funnelled since 2013. I am grateful to be flexing some writing muscles here and more than anything I am grateful for the friends and support network I have encountered here, in she-blog-dom. I like being a writer amidst other women writers. And the fellows among us aren’t so bad, either.

How the Blog Hop Works

Blog Hoppers must write a description of ourselves as a writer, answer the following 3 questions and invite other women writers/bloggers to participate.

As a writer, I would describe myself as… intuitive. And a little bit ethereal. Don’t like that? Fine, your turn. How would you describe me as a writer?

What am I working on/writing?

For the past year and a half I would say that most of my writing energy has been directed into this blog and a variety of journals I’ve kept – a gratitude journal, a tears-and-misery/hopes-and-dreams journal, an art journal – while trying to have a second living child. Since Fall 2013, my writing joie de vivre has been largely channelled into SpiritBabyComeHome, my recurrent pregnancy loss and secondary infertility blog.

How does my work differ from other writers in my genre?

I do not know how to answer this question. As an intuitive writer I do not research my posts and provide loads of data or links for my readers to rely upon. I suppose that makes me less than helpful and my blog a bit of a navel-gazing exercise.

I hope it also makes me real. I am who I am and although for family safety reasons I must keep my blog anonymous, I am a fairly straight road on the blog. I don’t pull punches and I bare my heart and soul with some regularity. I talk about trying to communicate with spirit babies, for heaven’s sake! Ultimately, I think that what differentiates any of us is the person we bring to the blog and how we let her shine through on the screen.

Why do I write what I do?

I write what I do because it is a record of where I am, where I have been and where I am going or hope to go one day. I write mostly for me and in the hope that it may help others in a similar situation but I also write for our one living child.

Should I never succeed in my goal to have another living child, or should the burden become so heavy that I elect to give up trying, I want our Miracle Toddler to know that I did everything within my power to have a sibling to play with and another child for me and the LP (Life Partner) to raise and love. Our little boy loves babies and older kids and is so sad when he must leave the children he plays with. He has cried when I have cried after losing yet another baby. He is a partof this journey and the inspiration for my embarking on it. As an older parent, I sometimes think about what I will leave behind for my child(ren) in terms of family and personal history. This blog is, for me, one part of my legacy.

One of my favourite things about re-connecting with my mother as an adult, before she died (too young) was listening to her stories. Since she died in 2005, I have developed an ever-growing well of compassion for her and all of the hardships she overcame and the grief that she experienced and, ultimately, survived. My blog has brought me closer to my mother, even though she is gone from this Earth. And similarly, it forges a lifeline from me to our Miracle Toddler. My blog is his mommy’s story of falling so in love with him that she could not stop trying to bring into the world another person into which to pour all of this love she never knew she had.Next Week’s Bog Hoppers

I have struggled with this part of the invitation to take part in this Blog Hop. I am not going to oblige anyone to participate, but I am inviting Justine Brooks Froelker of Ever Upward to take part, should she so choose. Justine is a remarkable mother, healer, writer, survivor and thriver (I think I just made that word up, I hope she doesn’t mind) who has chosen a family after she and her husband were unable to have any children using a gestational carrier and IVF with Justine’s eggs. Please check out Justine’s blog even if she chooses not to take part in the Blog Hop. We all have much to learn from her.


10 thoughts on “Blog Hop? Ready or Not, Here I Come

  1. I am so happy you chose to blog about your experiences. It sounds like it’s helpful to you and I can assure you that it is also helpful to me. We share so many similarities, that I feel a connection with you and am always hoping for the absolute best for you and your family.

    • Thank you so much, that’s very kind and completely reciprocated. I wish I had a magic wand for us… You are so focused and determined and have so many options lined up, I have every confidence that you will end up with a life you love. I only wish for you not to have any more losses along the way.

      Thank you for sharing my journey and yours with me.

  2. Beautiful post hon. I am so happy that you write and feel so privileged to have been able to get to know you through this amazing writing medium. You are such an inspiration to me, and can’t tell how many times your stories and posts have helped me keep going on this journey. And I love that you hope your blog will be a legacy for your miracle child. I believe it most certainly will be. I’m also still so hopeful it will be a legacy for a future sibling too. Hugs ❤

    • Thank you, I am eternally grateful for your hopefulness and the bright light you share with the world. The feeling of inspiration and privilege is mutual – you mean so much to me.

      I hope you’re right about the sibling but if not I hope I will never need admit I did not turn over every stone within my power. I sure wish we did not need to turn over so many stones, though!

  3. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your amazing words above. I cannot even express how much they mean to me and how thankful I am to have all of these amazing people in my life through this big blogging world. I am going to try to complete this blog hop. But, I will be honest, I am super overwhelmed with private practice, building the platform for the book and getting the book in my hands. The cover is finally almost done and we move onto the interior with the publisher for the next few weeks. Thank you again, for your spirit, your courage, your love and your support. I am blessed, I am lucky and so grateful for you! Justine

  4. Pingback: One Year Anniversary of Blogging | Recurrent Pregnancy and Infant Loss Blog

  5. Being a writer was my dream too. I also tossed it to the side for the sake off finances. I am doing some copywriting on the side these days, so I hope I can use it as a small source of income. More than anything writing is my therapy. My journals are much deeper than my blog. I’m in this place where I kinda wish I would have been more anonymous as I sometimes have to real my thoughts in for the sake of not offending family (only my mother has my blog link right now). Anyway, thank you for being so raw and sharing your thoughts with us. I enjoy your writing immensely. 🙂

    • Wow, L, that is so cool (that you’re getting paid to do copy editing). What kinds of stuff are you copy editing?

      I wish my journal was deep. These days it’s full of things like “teleconsult with Braverman, 2:30 pm July 23/14” and “I drew the Cardinal card again”. I’ve been avoiding depth like crazy as part of my “break”… Hence the second blog to get my creative stuff out. It takes a lot of courage to write as therapy, in my view. I don’t think I’ve got much of that courage left except what I spill, stream-of-consciousness style, on this blog. Those waters are deep and dark and I am not sure I want to go there. Or maybe they’ve been panned so many times, there simply is no gold left? Either way, I’m just going with the flow for the moment.

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