It is time for an update.
First, I have decided that we cannot afford out-of-pocket excision surgery for endometriosis in New York or anywhere else in the U.S., where we have no insurance coverage.
Second, I have confirmed that endometriosis surgery “at home” (where it would be 100% covered) is not going to happen anytime soon, if ever. The best I can hope for is an appointment with a possible surgeon before the end of this year.
Third, the LP and I have decided to follow Dr. Braverman’s initial recommendation to try one FET with one of our existing DE embryos using his auto-immune cocktail of drugs without the surgery and see what happens.
Fourth, Gertrude and Alice are in New York, NY. We will not know if their long trek there caused them any damage until they are thawed (at which point it will be virtually impossible to know if any issues are attributable to their trek from California to New York. Deep breaths… I continue trying to let go. What will be will be.
Fifth, I scheduled an appointment with my Hypnotherapist for September 22nd. I am going to need help managing my anxiety about moving forward and the deep sense of fear I harbour about us never succeeding, even with the immune protocol.
Sixth, I have a general plan from Dr. Braverman for our FET. I have booked an appointment with him and a flight to New York City for the last full week of September. By then this (avoiding) cycle should end and my next one should start. I need him to prescribe the scads of drugs I will be taking starting on day three of my next cycle (unless we do two weeks of birth control pills first). The LP is not coming; I’m flying solo.
Finally, I have been avoiding asking my insurer whether the Neupogen, Lovenox and intralipids will be covered. The LP and I have discussed the fact that even if these drugs end up being out-of-pocket, we will go ahead with this FET.
Despite having a plan to move forward, I feel strangely muted and a little down-hearted. Maybe that is my unshakeable sense of doom. Maybe it is the depressive effects of all of wine and cocktails I have been drinking the past few weeks while I came to terms with our diagnoses, their implications and emotional impact. That has to stop. But not until I leave Las Vegas….
We head back tomorrow. It has been great to get away. I miss our little person (first day of playschool today – a huge success so far, fingers crossed that continues) but I see how much the LP and I needed this time away together. My liver tells me that three days and four nights is enough; I will be ready to return though I will miss the warm weather. And the libations.
I look forward to shifting my attitude and faith basis in the coming couple of weeks. That is going to be essential as we move forward. Please wish me luck. If we have ever needed luck, now is the time.