Beta #2 at 8dp5dt (13 dpo)

I have been waiting with baited breath all day to get my report on this beta. I had to gamble and order refills of all of my meds except Neupogen (because I ordered lots of it the first time not realizing it was more than a 5-week supply) today without knowing if my betas have doubled otherwise I would have to delay my flight home on Friday.

My hands have been shaking much of the day and I have felt jittery and anxious. I have been waking up at night and unable to fall asleep, which is common for me when pregnant and on prednisone.

The email finally came this afternoon with beta #2. Progesterone results were still pending. Beta was 128. A doubling time of 45.9 hours from 62 on Monday. I immediately felt my heart leap into my throat and I have fought back the urge to vomit ever since.

My only measure of success in my various pregnancies to date (this being #10) is the one success story. My betas were really high and doubled very fast. So when this one did not measure up, I wanted to curl up and die or at least burst into tears and sob all over my desk at work.

I have not done that. I am going to go for a walk and try to calm down and pray that pregnancy #10 will be success story #2 somehow.

My next beta is Monday, October 27, 2014. In the meantime, I’m back in New York tomorrow and returning home Friday.

I’m sleep deprived and overwhelmed by fear. I hate this. I hate my anxiety and inability to tame it. I really, really do. I wish I could enter a coma for the next 8 weeks and awaken to news that the first trimester was over and everything looked great.

I will update Monday after the beta if I can’t find positive things to say before then.

Advertisements

50 thoughts on “Beta #2 at 8dp5dt (13 dpo)

  1. That’s a great beta for 8dp5dt. I can only imagine how this is a bit nerve wracking especially since your successful pregnancy’s betas had great doubling time. Each pregnancy is different though. I will think very very very good thoughts for you for this precious pregnancy. Also praying for very good progesterone numbers!

  2. I have a good feeling about these embryos. I’m thinking plenty of positive thoughts for you. You’ve got this. I know you do.

  3. what a great beta for 8dpo! Hang in there sweets and don’t let the enemy rob you of all that is yours–joy—peace—healthy baby—hope–faith! Every pregnancy has the amazing possibility of being different. BELIEVE that this one IS different. πŸ™‚

    xoxo

      • I just can’t imagine. Hang in there sugars and when those negative thoughts creep in, start talking out loud all the positive things. You can’t think negative and speak positive at the same time. Or at least that’s been my experience. lol! But then again I can’t rub my head and pat my belly.

  4. That is amazing news!! It is still soooo early but you are moving in exactly the right direction! I am quite (cautiously) optimistic. I realize the anxiety is completely overwhelming, so let us be your cheerleaders! whisper: wooo hooo!

  5. That is a really good bets for 8dp5dt. There is a reason why they usually don’t start testing betas until 10dp5dt- they’re usually low, even for successful pregnancies. Plus, it’s doubling time is textbook good. Don’t worry darling. You’re pregnant!!

  6. This is wonderful news. I am sending lots of positive vibes and love to you and your babies and praying for another great beta on Monday. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment of making it through another milestone. You are pregnant!

    • Thank you so much. I’m trying very hard to have faith. It has never felt more difficult to do that which amazes me. I hope you are well and I hope you know how much your presence and support means to me.

  7. You’re at a great level and it increased in 48 hours – it’s all looking up. I know hope is hard when all your old fears and memories of past losses continue to haunt. You numbers look wonderful for how far along you are and you’re on a brand new protocol that I believe with my heart will work for you. I will hold hope for you today and I will be praying for you and hoping your spirits are renewed. Hugs, love, and light to you my cycle sister.

  8. I am so, so, so happy to hear your doubling time!!! I will continue to hold onto hope for you, and keep sending you all my positive wishes for the good news to continue!! Sending you love and hoping you have a good trip to NYC. πŸ™‚

  9. Enjoy this…stop fretting…it doubled and that’s what counts! Numbers during this TTC stuff will make you absolutely bonkers…every woman is different and every pregnancy that she has is also. I’m with you and taking some of that worry from you lady…rejoice in Azulito having his/her presence known…sending all the calming and loving energy i can muster for you…

  10. I agree with all the comments hon. The numbers can drive you crazy, but it doubled and that’s awesome! Have a safe flight tomorrow.

  11. This is good. This is good. This is good. I’m going to repeat what others have said: every single pregnancy is different and it’s the doubling time that matters. You are right in the zone when it comes to doubling time. That is all you can ask for at this early stage. You are right where you need to be at this moment in time. Staying present is hard, but it matters so much right now.

    • Yes, I am trying to tell myself this could all work out even if it is difficult to believe a word I am saying. I am a big believer in the power of the mind-body connection so of course it is very distressing to find myself so flooded with anxiety, doubt, fear. I really meant it when I said I hate this and want to turn it off or override it. I will keep trying.

  12. I feel your fear and anxiety and I’m sorry this stage is so excruciating. I’m thrilled that your betas doubled but I understand that the numbers don’t reassure you. I wanted to stress that there’s no way you can ever do anything (includes your immune system) to let your readers and community down (something you mentioned in your last post). Your presence in the world – just being you — is your amazing contribution. People are rallied to support you, period. Hang on for a few days and keep breathing amazing life into those babies.

    • Thank you nu boarding. This gentle and balanced reassurance was just what I needed to see right now. I hope you are doing well (though i imagine uncomfortable). One deep breath after another over here…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s