6w6d: The Anxiety Ratchets Up

A very warm thank you to everyone who has been following our journey (whether you comment or not) and who has shared such kind words and wishes along the way and especially after our first ultrasound in this pregnancy late last week.

I am 6 weeks and 6 days into this pregnancy and my next ultrasound is at a local radiography lab where I live, not with Dr. Braverman. It is scheduled for Friday afternoon, November 14, 2014 and the LP will be in tow. I was doing pretty good with my old albatross, anxiety/fear, until the last 12 hours when I suddenly began contemplating how few pregnancy symptoms I have and how mild they are compared to past pregnancies (particularly the one successful one in 2011-12). I am trying to tell myself that all of the medication I am on and especially the steroid (prednisone) likely account for this pregnancy feeling very different than the past nine.

In other news, I had a mostly helpful appointment with my general practitioner on Monday. She is also my prenatal care doctor and – God and Universe willing – will be until much of the way through the second trimester (unless I choose otherwise, which at this point I have not done because it’s way easier to see my GP and the wait for my appointments with her is minimal whereas the wait to see my OB even with an appointment can be upwards of two hours and never less than a half hour). She agreed to requisition weekly ultrasounds although she warned me that our public health care provider may refuse to pay for all of them. I said we would cross that bridge if we have to. Paying out of pocket will likely still cost me less than flying back and forth to New York City and I would like to think I could advocate for myself not to have to pay at all given my medical history, diagnoses from Dr. Braverman, inability to get in to see an immunologist or a geneticist here at all or in any timely manner and my age (which is, shall we say, advanced in the baby-making world).

Dr. Braverman has told me that I will have immune blood tests repeated at 8-ish and 13-ish weeks. With flight, work and lab schedules that means two more trips to New York, one on November 24th (8w4d) and one on December 22nd (12w4d). I will not be 13 weeks until December 25 and have friends staying with us from out of town December 26 – January 1, making the scheduling of the 13-ish week lab work a little tricky. I have kept my Dec. 7-8 flights for now in case the ultrasounds here are of such abysmal quality that Dr. Braverman wants me back for at least one more before the end of the first trimester.

Dr. Braverman says that more recently his team has been testing after the natural drop in hCG levels that occurs by 12 weeks because hCG has a natural immuno suppressive operation and he likes to see if there are any levels flaring up with the hCG drop. If not, I’m assuming we can then stop or taper most of the immune meds (except the Lovenox) around week 14-15 as it takes two weeks to get the full report from these lab tests. I have not confirmed that assumption but plan to speak with him about it when I see him next on November 24th assuming Azulito keeps on chugging in the meantime.

In other news, I have found myself feeling Azulito’s presence but struggling to connect in any in-depth way. I caught a cold on last week’s travel to New York (of course) and I’ve been not feeling quite myself. I do not know if that is why but it’s adding to my anxiety about whether everything is still chugging along as it should be. If you’re in the habit of asking powers greater than ourselves for support or if you simply believe in hope, I’d be very grateful if you might send out a “yo, please let this work” request when you have a moment. The nerves they are a-jangling!

Until next time… thank you again. For everything.