Uncomfortable Entrance into the Second Trimester

* pregnancy mentioned *

I feel remiss. I have been offline for what feels like ages and long overdue in reading or commenting on many of your posts or in posting any kind of substantive update myself. The holiday season took our home and my life by storm. We have had guests in our home for the past nine days. I had a great visit with my best friend and her munchkins but I am officially dead beat (and the Miracle Toddler is coming down with something, that’s what he gets for refusing to nap all but two of those nine days). Please accept my heartfelt apology for not keeping track or in touch more reliably. You know I’ve been thinking of you (or I hope you do).

I officially entered the second trimester earlier this week. The second trimester is supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase of pregnancy. Bah humbug on that. So far it has been an exercise in serious discomfort for me. I have suffered from terrible pregnancy-driven bloating, constipation and general malaise so badly that I’ve actually wept on occasion over the past week and a half. My digestion has apparently slowed to an all-time low and on some days I looked as though I were 6 months, not 14 weeks pregnant. My poor belly hurt! Heaps! Any woman who has said that pregnancy was a blissful state for them was lying. That said, I am very happy to have a little more energy and not to be falling asleep at my desk these days. Yay for small mercies! Now if only I could sleep through the night…

In addition to the GI troubles, I finally developed the dreaded moon-face while on 60 mg of Prednisone and it’s still not gone as I wean down from 40 to 20 mg while I await the results from my last immune testing. My blood was drawn December 22, 2014 and it takes about two weeks to get the report from Dr. Braverman’s office so I’m hoping that by early next week I will have some idea how things were looking at just shy of 13 weeks. I would love to drop down to 20 mg Prednisone and then wean off slowly to nothing by 20 weeks or earlier if things look good and my crazy symptoms don’t return with this or the next drop in dosage. Fingers crossed!

In other news, I tried an amazing Paleo bread recipe for the first time yesterday. So yummy! The house guests, the LP and I devoured most of a loaf in a single sitting. The MT would not try the bread as he was obsessed with the grapes and apple we’d served to accompany the bread. I’m sure he will try some another time; like his Dad, the MT loves bread!

The LP and I told some more family about this pregnancy over the holidays. I also told the important people to whom I report at work that I’m expecting last week. Telling work was kind of a big deal for me. Law firms are not known for their friendly responses to family planning matters and my last experience was a nightmare from start to finish (the finish being my resignation while on maternity leave, a decision I have never regretted).

In the MT’s pregnancy, I was suffering post-loss trauma and massive anxiety, trying to survive a toxic, family-unfriendly (despite protestations to the contrary) workplace and the LP was afraid to tell his older kids about having a new kid. I never admitted I was pregnant at work to anyone but my immediate superiors until after 20 weeks. I lied more than once. The good thing was I was smaller and didn’t show a lot until around the 20-week mark. Some women tried to hand me drinks to see if I would take them so they could “out” me as pregnant before I wanted to disclose that. Yes, I worked in a law firm then. An international law firm. Did I mention it was toxic?

Telling the managing partner and my practice group leader at my current law firm was a very different experience. They are both men (of course) and they both know the LP and I are… well… old. They each appeared to be sincere in their immediate congratulations and neither one asked me inappropriate questions or leapt to how long my leave would be. To be honest I think the managing partner was relieved that when I’d asked for a meeting with him I was not coming in to resign. (When I joked about that he admitted those “can I see you for a moment before you leave town” emails usually result in bad news so this “good news” was a relief.)

I haven’t told my “mentor” at work (my firm has a formal mentorship program despite the fact that I’ve been practicing for a decade, which I actually think is a good thing on the whole). I think he (yes, also a man – the legal profession or at least private practice still has huge issues with retention of female practitioners beyond the 5-year mark in Canada and I’m guessing elsewhere in the Western world) guessed on the one day I saw him last week. I felt a moment of guilt for not being forthright and then thought about how he had treated me rather poorly the week before when really stressed out and decided the guilt was both misplaced and unnecessary. Not telling him early on suddenly felt like retribution for his unkindness. Apparently I have a passive aggressive side. Who knew?

I am 14 weeks 2 days today, meaning I have 25 weeks and some days left to go if I carried Azulito/a to 40 weeks (which will not happen!). Given that this is my 10th pregnancy, it seems that my body has decided I should look as pregnant as possible as soon as possible. I’m a little disappointed as I feel huge already and worry what that means for 15 weeks from now and onward but I am trying to practice acceptance and embrace my new shape(lessness). At the request of the inimitable My Life as a Case Study (MLACS for short), here is a “bump” photo at 14w2d.

bump

I sincerely hope that each of you has had a peaceful holiday (and that those of you who have suffered this holiday season will find peace in the coming days and weeks while you remain in my thoughts and prayers) and have something to which you might look forward in this new year. The year that has ended was a very difficult one for a great many of us – and also a new beginning for some, present company included – and will not be missed by many, I’m sure (present company included). For me and for the LP, 2013 and 2014 brought deep heartache and yet a sense of hope after all hope seemed lost. I wish so much that each of you reading this also find hope where it has been or seemed lost and for those of you whose hope has been restored, I wish that it remains so and that the Universe is kinder and gentler now than it has been in times past.

With a full heart and a bloated belly, I blow you all a new year’s kiss. Don’t worry, I used a dental dam so I won’t contaminate you with the Miracle Toddler’s latest bug. All the best to each of you.

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38 thoughts on “Uncomfortable Entrance into the Second Trimester

  1. Great bump! I’m sorry you’re feeling so gross – I do remember that bloat and constipation from that time and I’m happy to say that for me, at least, it did go away. Have you tried switching prenatals? Even if just for a few days, to help your metabolism a bit? Happy 2015 – I hope you get a few days’ recovery time from 9 day guests (that’s too many days in a row for me)! I bet you’ll feel better after getting back to your routine.

    • Thanks. Yeah, I’m off the prenatals with iron because those kill me. I think it started when I stopped the PIO and estrogen supplementation, my body transitioned to my own hormones and made my life miserable. I know it will get better. The worst is when you have so much air trapped in your abdomen as digestion slows, isn’t that excruciating? Evolution really needs some improvements in this department! I think you’re right about the routine, I can’t wait to get things back to our “normal”.

  2. So happy to read your update!! I’m sorry you aren’t glowing with pregnancy happiness and physical bliss, but honestly I’m not convinced that happens for anyone who has suffered with RPL! I’m glad your employer has taken the news relatively well!! Wishing you a wonderful 2015!!

  3. Although you feel like crap, you look wonderful! I’m sure once you get back into the routine next week you will feel much better – especially since you don’t have telling your employer hanging over your head. I’m so glad this baby is here to stay!

    • Thank you so much. I truly hope you are right, that a return to ‘normal’ will bring a much better sense of well-being all around. How are you feeilng now that your timeline is moving closer? You’ve been popping into my mind a lot the last few days for some reason. You alright?

      • Oh yes. I’m doing good actually. Lots of revelations over the past few weeks about life, relationships, etc. I’m finding some peace amidst it all. Signs of Aunt Flo have started. I’m looking forward to starting the next cycle.

  4. Love your cute bump. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling well but so happy to see the baby and you are moving along and the weeks are flying by.. Great to hear your office were kind to you and surprised you.. Keep growing little cute bump a happy new year to you!! I’m so excited we just received approval for our natural FET after our LIT results came back spectacular as per our doctor so I have lost of HOPE!!

    • Oh my goodness, that’s such great news! I am so relieved and happy for you guys. Do you have a sense of when you’ll start the natural FET cycle yet or is that level of detail still being worked out?

  5. Love your cute bump. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been feeling well but so happy to see the baby and you are moving along and the weeks are flying by.. Great to hear your office were kind to you and surprised you.. Keep growing little cute bump a happy new year to you!! I’m so excited we just received approval for our natural FET after our LIT results came back spectacular as per our doctor so I have lots of HOPE!!

    • Our doctor wants to start with my coming AF this month so I think around the end of January we will have transfer of our last Frostie ❄ I have many emotions now we have been on break for 3 mons so all those crazy feelings coming back. Just need to not focus on that but a BFP.

  6. So good to hear from you and i am just LOVING the baby bump! I am so sorry you are feeling crappy but hopin and praying things start to sail a little smoother for you. Sending you hugs!! Xo

  7. Aww, fret not – you look extremely adorable. I hope you start feeling as good as you look some time soon 🙂 Weaning off the prednisone would definitely help! That drug always made me feel like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe.

  8. Awwww, your bump is beautiful! I understand not wanting to tell work, but for me personally, I could not wait to *look pregnant* because I found it reassuring ❤ It appears your body is accommodating Azulito/a nicely! Like, your body is being a *team player*, that's good, right? That's the goal? Give that belly a congratulatory rub ❤
    As for moon face…that takes awhile to get rid of and I get it even on 10mg due to prolonged use. I know, no fun 😦 But I'm sure you notice more than anyone else does. And your bump is there to distract people! *bonus*
    Also, I empathize with the symptoms of pregnancy–especially the constipation. I can't skip a single day of miralax. EVER. But, ya know, you get used to it? *sigh*
    I'm so thrilled you're doing well! Don't taper too fast on the pred–I go very, very slow or else I suffer both return of symptoms & debilitating fatigue–remember, your body has ceased producing it's own cortisol/adrenaline so a drop in pred means a drop in energy. The slower you taper, the easier for your body to adjust. On the flip side, you'll sleep better at night. C'est la vie! Take care & keep up the good work! XOXOXO

  9. I hope the taper off the prednisone goes smoothly. My stupid clinic had me quit the 10mg prednisone cold turkey and I felt absolutely awful- exhausted, drained, dizzy, hypotensive. Endocrinologist was shocked that they didn’t have me taper. So feeling not so hot might be partially because you’re starting to taper. Good luck and congrats on entering the 2nd tri. I hope your immune tests come back soon and that your levels look good 🙂

  10. Ditto. After food i look seven to eight months preg. The diastasis doesnt help, i guess
    Feeling fat and unattractive.

  11. Hello, gorgeous bump! Happy to hear work is far more supportive to you. Sorry you’re not feeling so grand…the gas issues are no joke! Continued prayers for a stress free pregnancy and a healthy little one in June!

  12. Happy that you’re in second tri but sorry that you’re still sick. I hope that the sicknesses will resolve very soon so you have a break and better sleep. Wow your former work environment was hostile. I am so glad that your current firm seems to be better with their ability to accommodate a pregnant employee.

    You have a very cute bump! Although you don’t feel great, I want to tell you that you look great. 🙂

    • Thank you so much for these thoughtful wishes and your kind opinion. Not withstanding the discomforts and endless worries I am truly grateful to be carrying this little baby. I hope I don’t come across otherwise!

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