I cannot believe some of the things I have been asked or told in the past couple of weeks as my “bump” has ballooned into Blue Whale material. A smattering:
* You look so… different!
(Gee, thanks. You look like an idiot but I have the sensitivity not to tell you. I wish you’d follow suit. )
* Are you sure you’re due in June?
(As one coworker said upon overhearing this: This is the equivalent of saying “God, you’re fat!”)
* Is the doctor certain there is only one baby in there?
(No. First, I am a pathological liar. Second, I thought I’d surprise everyone. There are 3 in here.)
* Wow. You are awfully big for 21 weeks, aren’t you?
(Because making me an accomplice to your ego assassination would make the whole thing so much more palatable, right?)
* You have changed so much. Not just the baby bump but… You know. You are just bigger.
(As a fellow female, tell me on what day of the week would you like to hear this said to you? I will make sure to have a billboard erected with your picture and those exact words right outside our offices every week on that day. I promise.)
I should mention that all of these comments were made by women. The only hurtful comment a male friend has made involved a reference to shopping at the local tent and awning store as a joke when my bump was still wee (but big on formerly little old me). And that friend issued a sincere and heartfelt apology and completely got it when I said the joke had hurt my feelings. He is forgiven and the comment no longer hurts.
The ones from other women in my life lately sting. And they are completely unhelpful. Even when overheard by others who chastise the speaker for being so thoughtless, these comments continue.
What is it about another woman’s pregnancy that gives some women a sense of entitlement to check their brains and compassion at the door and let hurtful, obnoxious and purely asinine remarks spew forth? Did someone place a “insult me, I feel as though my entire life is consumed with this high-risk pregnancy and my self-esteem is at an all-time low already. Go on, hit me with you best shot!” sign on my back?
For context, my bump is huge. My arms feel flabby. I’m retaining water and have a Prednisone moon face. I’ve gained as much weight by 21 weeks in this pregnancy as I had by mid-third trimester in the Miracle Toddler’s pregnancy (I’m thanking the Prednisone for some of that too). That said, I don’t know exactly where all of that weight is. I am still wearing size XS maternity pants. It is not as though I’ve transformed into The Thing. Though some days I feel that way.
On that happy note, I wish you all a good weekend. I plan to start my starvation diet tomorrow.