Almost 30 Weeks… Not Out of the Woods Yet

I have decided to stop apologizing for the infrequency of my posts. I’ve been exhausted and feeling lousy. Those are facts, not excuses. My lack of posts is also a fact. So be it.  

Thank you for sticking around if you have and know I don’t blame you for moving on if you haven’t.  Bed of roses it has not been and I get tired of sharing mediocre, self-pitying or bland news.  Instead I’ve been trying to do a better job keeping up with each of you and letting you know I’m still on your cheer team. Go, ya’ll!

As for feeling lousy, the worst part has been occasionally debilitating nausea and some vomiting, for which I’m now on pregnancy anti-nausea medication but this time it has been working much better than in the past. Apart from that I’ve been incredibly tired and rather depressed. 

Work is in part to blame for the latter and I think the anxiety that has never left this pregnancy plays a part, too.  I’ve also recently been wrestling with my feelings over the now virtually-inevitable Caesarean section I am likely to have. 

Damn it. 

I was really hoping my previa (low-lying placenta) would move up as my uterus ballooned in size over the past 11 weeks. No such luck. The MFM we saw last Wednesday suggested I start preparing myself psychologically for a section because in her opinion the fact that two very large placental lakes formed right next to the portion of my placenta that is hovering over the cervical opening (OS) means that portion of the placenta may be less likely or able to move than the healthier portions. That theory would explain why there has essentially been no material movement in the past 11 weeks. 

Curse you, body. Can’t you get any part of this process right?

This past week’s ultrasound brought new worry. Baby Azulito/a’s both kidneys are very large (98th and 100th percentile respectively). No obvious reason could be found on ultrasound and the Perinatologist (MFM) said that in such cases if the issue doesn’t resolve itself by birth it is unlikely a reason will be found before then. Baby can have testing after birth and if the issue is not resolved within a certain amount of time surgery will be required. I have booked my next ultrasound at the Perinatology Clinic in the Women’s Hospital on a day when the Pediatric Urologist is attending from the local Children’s Hospital so I can ask questions and hopefully get some answers and reassurance. 

Of course the LP and I wish we did not have this new worry and that baby A were healthy and would not require testing and possibly treatment right out of the gate. That said, I am very relieved that we are not looking at a serious heart or brain condition instead. Thank heaven for small mercies, right?

In other news, Azulito/a was measuring just under the 75th percentile in weight (3 lbs 8 oz) at 29 weeks, 0 days and had moved into a head-down position. Even a week prior and at every single ultrasound before then baby was lying transverse, meaning sideways across my body. I can’t tell if things have remained the same but there is still enough room and fluid in which to move around at this stage that it really doesn’t matter too much. 

I have been trying not to worry that I may be developing preeclampsia or cholestasis but it is tough to just ignore the weird and seemingly endless discomforts. The nausea with a third-trimester onset freaked out the Perinatologist this past week (I had to stop the tech doing the ultrasound for fear I was going to vomit on me, her and the LP’s trial pants – yet another first!). I had heaps of blood tests ordered by my OB the week prior and all came back normal or close to normal so the Perinatologist didn’t make me repeat them right now. She did give me a requisition for another Gestational Diabetes screen. Sigh. 

I had another autoimmune symptom flare over the past week to ten days as well (coincidental with the surge of nausea and me weaning off of Prednisone for all of 12 hours). I emailed Dr. Braverman and he called me and said that since all of my bloodwork suggested no HELLP or Preeclampsia at the time, he was comfortable with me taking a low dose of Prednisone. I started with 10 mg but the painful and hideous excema around my eyes has persisted despite my being on 10 mg for 5 days now. I do not want to increase my dose back up to 20 mg and hope that does not become necessary. I plan to wait a few more days and see if it gets better. 

Dr. Braverman said there was no real value in doing another round of immune testing because there is a lack of reliable research about effective treatments at this late stage of pregnancy.  For that reason he generally treats a recurrence of symptoms in the third trimester as long as tests show there isn’t something more serious (HELLP or Preeclampsia being the key risks in my case) going on. I fell into that “no evidence of anything more serious going on” category last week and can only hope that continues to be the case in the weeks to come. 

This week I plan to ask my OB for a date or approximate date range when we can expect the section (or induction, if we are so lucky) to take place. I really fear going beyond 37 weeks because of the risk of stillbirth with compromised and older placentas such as mine. That is just over 7 weeks away (I am 30 weeks this Wednesday). The day cannot come soon enough from the anxiety- and discomfort-management perspective. I dream like mad every night and I worry every day.  Not disabled-by-anxiety worry but enough that I feel perpetually worn out and unable to enjoy this pregnancy whatsoever. 

I do not want Azulito showing up too early, however.  I think in about 5-6 weeks with enough notice for a shot to mature the lungs would be okay. I keep trying to remind myself that we are in the home stretch. I also keep hoping and praying that nothing major goes wrong between now and whatever date this child’s birthday proves to be.

I beg and bargain daily with powers greater than me that nothing and no one takes this baby’s life now.  This is my deepest and most overwhelming fear. May it never come  true. 

Please keep wee Azulito in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you. Heaps.

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49 thoughts on “Almost 30 Weeks… Not Out of the Woods Yet

  1. I hope that the specialist is able to answer your questions and give you some optimistic information. 7 weeks seems so soon! I have recently heard really positive stories from women about their c-sections. I know it might not be the birth you were hoping for, but it’ll be the least traumatic for Azulito/a. I know the feeling of bargaining with the powers above every day for protection for our babies. I think it is in part because our bodies have betrayed us, when they are supposed to be our babies’ greatest protectors. Sending you and Azulito/a lots of love and protection.

  2. Its great to hear an update with how things are going for you and baby. Omg I can’t believe that your still dealing with such bad nausea at this late in the pregnancy. I’m sending prayers for you all for this home stretch to when baby is due to arrive. I hope that the kidneys heals and you feel better… Here’s a quick update from one thing to the other now the donor clinic we use is leaving our clinic back to square one for us… One day at a time.. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

      • It sort of feels that way. I feel we make it then we get back to square one then to learn another process. We actually have an appointment with our doctor this coming Friday he better have a good reason for this delay again. We will hopefully discuss other options doing another process. Theses next few days will be long. Hoping that today is a better day for baby and u!!

  3. Thank you for stopping apologizing for what you feel are infrequent posts – you are busy growing a baby, you can post however frequent/infrequently you want. No apologizing required or wanted. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I am sad to hear about the potential kidney problem, but I know your doctor’s are watching you carefully and I know that if nothing else you will demand the best care imaginable to fix anything that may be wrong. Assuming of course something ends up wrong, and clearly Mr. MPB and I are hoping we that everything turns out to be just fine.
    I also hate that you have to prepare yourself for a c-section, but honestly my approach is so long as the baby gets here safely, then your body will heal and nothing else matters. I’m curious when they will schedule you for, I’m hopeful that it’s late enough for the lungs to fully develop. ๐Ÿ™‚
    And lastly, sending you love as always. You are constantly in my thoughts and I am filled with hope for you, baby, LP and MT.

  4. Oh my G, I CANNOT WAIT until this HEALTHY baby is in your arms. I am so sorry that you have yet another worry to add to your massive worry pile. It makes me so sad and angry that this pregnancy could not just have been smooth for you. And please do not even worry about not posting a lot. I am impressed that you are just getting through each day. I’m sorry work is crap right now, and I also think the pregnancy stuff alone is enough to make anyone depressed. Sending so much love to you and A. You’re in the home stretch, friend! You can do it!

    • Thank you. I know it could be much worse and deep down I want to keep believing that this baby will be born safely but man am I getting tired of the stress and that one deep-seated fear that’s hard to shake.

  5. Been thinking of you! I hate hearing how little you’ve been able to enjoy your pregnancy, yet am able to relate so much. I had a lot of complications with one of my twins and was told right out the gates at the first ultrasound after ivf she wasn’t going to make it. Even well into my third tri I felt weird telling people I was having twins because a big part of me thought I was only going to have one living baby at the end. I hate even typing that right now, but it’s true! She is the twin that was born with several health problems, and while that dominated my life for the first few months and is still a serious concern, the person that she is takes over all that. Azulito/a is your spirit baby for a reason. Once you get some distance from this pregnancy, it will make sense why this wild spirit needed a fighter of a momma like you. I hope you can find some peace in the next few weeks while you prepare to meet this bright and scrappy soul. xx

    • These kind and generous words – especially coming from you knowing your history with your daughters (I didn’t know they told you she wouldn’t make it – holy crap, that must have been so hard for all those months and I bet even now sometimes (fears like those that kind of advice inspire never fully leave us I don’t think)) – mean so much to me and really hit the mark tonight. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

  6. I am so very sorry to hear about these new worries. I have been thinking of you, as always, and will continue to keep you and Azulito in my thoughts. I really hope that you can feel so much better after Azulito is born a happy, healthy baby. โค

  7. So sorry you are still not feeling well. Are you planning a baby shower or welcome to the world party after the birth? That could give you something to focus on.

    I’m still covering you in prayer and the baby. God has got you ! Can’t wait to meet the little one and you !!

    • No. I’m not a shower person and this isn’t our first living child so I haven’t planned anything. I’m looking forward to the birth and leaving work – hence my itch to get a date from my OB (even if something goes sideways and the actual date comes earlier). Type A, anyone? ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Thank you so much for the prayers and good wishes.

      • LOL. I am type A, but I want every single party that can be thrown lol. I am a spoiled brat ! I intend to have my Gender Reveal “What Will It Bee” party, baby shower AND welcome to the world party ! lol I feel you though. You have had a stressful and long road, so relaxation is in order.

  8. I’m keeping you and Azulito/a in my prayers and sending good energy your way. Even with a “typical” pregnancy, it can be anxiety-inducing: the lack of control over what’s happening in there is never easy. I’m hoping the next several weeks go by quickly for you, and that your worries melt away when your sweet baby is in your arms soaking up so much love.

    • Thank you, Lindsay. I have never had an uncomplicated pregnancy but I’m sure you are right. The lack of control is exactly the issue – and when on the other side lies “elevated risk of stillbirth” (and a family history of stillbirth, i.e., my Mom’s second child), it is so hard to relax and just be zen about it all as much as I wish I could.

  9. You have come so far and you’re so close now. I’m so sorry everything is still messy and uncomfortable. I hope the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter as these final weeks pass. Thinking of you & baby A.

  10. Baby A has been a fighter since day 1…perfect family to be born into. The days are winding down, which is great…sorry you have once more freaking thing to worry about, but i have to say, prayer goes a long way…so i’m sending prayers and positive energy your way…Let’s go Azulito/a…todos te estamos esperando!

    • Thank you so much for that link, Lindsey. I have skimmed the page but everything is making me nauseous today so I’ve bookmarked it to read again when reading does not make me want to hurl. Makes me want to hire a photographer to redeem this moment. I have been waffling over whether to tie up my doula if end up with a scheduled c-section and I expect this post will help me think that decision over, too. Thank you again.

    • Thank you. I will happily and thankfully accept all prayers. They clearly worked for Nora and you, thank goodness. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for a trip home for baby girl on or before May 15th!

  11. Oh, how I wish you were having an easier time of it right now. You most certainly deserve some smooth sailing. I also wish I had something more poignant or inspirational to say, but please know I’m thinking of you so often and wishing you well. LOTS of hugs!!! xoxo

  12. Wow, I really don’t know what to say other than I’m so sorry you haven’t been able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. It should be a joyous time, but I’m sure it’s really hard to find those moments. However, you’ve made it to 30 weeks!! That’s no small thing, mama…..so hang in there. Every day onward is another day to healthier babies. (Sorry, I’m just so bad at this…..and I’m trying not be one of THEM…..THEY…..The Platituders.). And I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t mind reading about the posts people make when they’re having real, honest moments. Even the ones you think are boring or maudlin(sp?). I prefer raw honesty over trying to fake positive any day. Thoughts and prayers for you. Xx

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