I have decided to stop apologizing for the infrequency of my posts. I’ve been exhausted and feeling lousy. Those are facts, not excuses. My lack of posts is also a fact. So be it.
Thank you for sticking around if you have and know I don’t blame you for moving on if you haven’t. Bed of roses it has not been and I get tired of sharing mediocre, self-pitying or bland news. Instead I’ve been trying to do a better job keeping up with each of you and letting you know I’m still on your cheer team. Go, ya’ll!
As for feeling lousy, the worst part has been occasionally debilitating nausea and some vomiting, for which I’m now on pregnancy anti-nausea medication but this time it has been working much better than in the past. Apart from that I’ve been incredibly tired and rather depressed.
Work is in part to blame for the latter and I think the anxiety that has never left this pregnancy plays a part, too. I’ve also recently been wrestling with my feelings over the now virtually-inevitable Caesarean section I am likely to have.
I was really hoping my previa (low-lying placenta) would move up as my uterus ballooned in size over the past 11 weeks. No such luck. The MFM we saw last Wednesday suggested I start preparing myself psychologically for a section because in her opinion the fact that two very large placental lakes formed right next to the portion of my placenta that is hovering over the cervical opening (OS) means that portion of the placenta may be less likely or able to move than the healthier portions. That theory would explain why there has essentially been no material movement in the past 11 weeks.
Curse you, body. Can’t you get any part of this process right?
This past week’s ultrasound brought new worry. Baby Azulito/a’s both kidneys are very large (98th and 100th percentile respectively). No obvious reason could be found on ultrasound and the Perinatologist (MFM) said that in such cases if the issue doesn’t resolve itself by birth it is unlikely a reason will be found before then. Baby can have testing after birth and if the issue is not resolved within a certain amount of time surgery will be required. I have booked my next ultrasound at the Perinatology Clinic in the Women’s Hospital on a day when the Pediatric Urologist is attending from the local Children’s Hospital so I can ask questions and hopefully get some answers and reassurance.
Of course the LP and I wish we did not have this new worry and that baby A were healthy and would not require testing and possibly treatment right out of the gate. That said, I am very relieved that we are not looking at a serious heart or brain condition instead. Thank heaven for small mercies, right?
In other news, Azulito/a was measuring just under the 75th percentile in weight (3 lbs 8 oz) at 29 weeks, 0 days and had moved into a head-down position. Even a week prior and at every single ultrasound before then baby was lying transverse, meaning sideways across my body. I can’t tell if things have remained the same but there is still enough room and fluid in which to move around at this stage that it really doesn’t matter too much.
I have been trying not to worry that I may be developing preeclampsia or cholestasis but it is tough to just ignore the weird and seemingly endless discomforts. The nausea with a third-trimester onset freaked out the Perinatologist this past week (I had to stop the tech doing the ultrasound for fear I was going to vomit on me, her and the LP’s trial pants – yet another first!). I had heaps of blood tests ordered by my OB the week prior and all came back normal or close to normal so the Perinatologist didn’t make me repeat them right now. She did give me a requisition for another Gestational Diabetes screen. Sigh.
I had another autoimmune symptom flare over the past week to ten days as well (coincidental with the surge of nausea and me weaning off of Prednisone for all of 12 hours). I emailed Dr. Braverman and he called me and said that since all of my bloodwork suggested no HELLP or Preeclampsia at the time, he was comfortable with me taking a low dose of Prednisone. I started with 10 mg but the painful and hideous excema around my eyes has persisted despite my being on 10 mg for 5 days now. I do not want to increase my dose back up to 20 mg and hope that does not become necessary. I plan to wait a few more days and see if it gets better.
Dr. Braverman said there was no real value in doing another round of immune testing because there is a lack of reliable research about effective treatments at this late stage of pregnancy. For that reason he generally treats a recurrence of symptoms in the third trimester as long as tests show there isn’t something more serious (HELLP or Preeclampsia being the key risks in my case) going on. I fell into that “no evidence of anything more serious going on” category last week and can only hope that continues to be the case in the weeks to come.
This week I plan to ask my OB for a date or approximate date range when we can expect the section (or induction, if we are so lucky) to take place. I really fear going beyond 37 weeks because of the risk of stillbirth with compromised and older placentas such as mine. That is just over 7 weeks away (I am 30 weeks this Wednesday). The day cannot come soon enough from the anxiety- and discomfort-management perspective. I dream like mad every night and I worry every day. Not disabled-by-anxiety worry but enough that I feel perpetually worn out and unable to enjoy this pregnancy whatsoever.
I do not want Azulito showing up too early, however. I think in about 5-6 weeks with enough notice for a shot to mature the lungs would be okay. I keep trying to remind myself that we are in the home stretch. I also keep hoping and praying that nothing major goes wrong between now and whatever date this child’s birthday proves to be.
I beg and bargain daily with powers greater than me that nothing and no one takes this baby’s life now. This is my deepest and most overwhelming fear. May it never come true.
Please keep wee Azulito in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you. Heaps.