I apologize for my silence of late. I have been struggling quietly – mostly – and mostly alone with some things for some time. I continue to do so.
Doing so makes it very challenging for me to blog as these things affect my soul as a parent, as a survivor of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. I have been described as a “straight road” – you see what you get and can see where I’m coming from and going – by a close longtime friend. It is difficult for me to engage my candour and feel whole and thus to write from my heart here when my insides are being eaten up with preoccupations about which I cannot write. At least not here. Funny how that is.
In case you are wondering: Baby Azulito is flourishing. The Miracle Toddler is still testing some limits and sharing what can on occasion only be described as “too much love” with his baby brother. I have healed from the physical effects of two major abdominal surgeries within about a week of each other in June and I continue to have a very hard time staying asleep and continue to endure strange frequent and unsettling dreams almost four months after baby A’s birth. The finances are still a dog’s breakfast (my commitment not to curse on this blog makes a more accurate description challenging).
I am also experiencing quite profound joint pain which I am inclined to blame on the high daily doses of oral prednisone along with the daily low molecular weight heparin injections I took before and during almost the entirety of baby A’s pregnancy. Both of those drugs rob our bodies of absorbable calcium. I took higher than usual doses of calcium supplements but clearly that was not enough. I need to start taking calcium again. Some mornings it feels as though I have aged 47 years since the summer of 2014. Yet another unanticipated cost of trying to have another living child. Go figure.
I cannot presently write here about what is troubling me so I imagine my relative blogging silence will persist. And so, my friends, is how life goes sometimes.