I don’t know how to write these days. I don’t know what to say. It all seems so trivial. Or repetitive.
There has been a huge upheaval in lives very close to mine and that of my family and it has kept me awake at night for months and in regular tears for weeks. My heart has broken and rebroken more times than I could count or care to remember as I’ve stood witness to another’s shattered life and heart.
There really are no words to do any of this justice. And in my dedication and compassion I feel fiercely protective. So protective I cannot write. About much of anything. Or much of anything that matters.
Because of this turn of events I feel I owe you all some sort of apology and explanation. You’re welcome to the former. The latter is off-limits beyond what I’ve said above for the reasons I alluded to above. I am sorry. I mean it. I truly am.
I return to paid work next Tuesday. I am miserable about it. To celebrate the misery (see above) or elicit a departure from it I paid someone to lop off most of my hair. I’m not sure I like it but I don’t hate it and if you ask the LP that’s a good start. It’s only hair. Right?
I’m still having catastrophic nightmares and terrible wake-up-and-cannot-fall-back-asleep insomnia. I wonder how that will function with my return to work? Maybe I will get fired for falling asleep at my desk. Worse things could happen I suppose.
As far as good news goes baby A is happy and healthy and busy as can be. The Miracle Toddler is a doting brother and a holy terror, often in the same breath. I feel hopelessly inept but eternally blessed to be their mother.
And on that heartfelt note of gratitude, adieu and Happy Thanksgiving to my American pals.