So long 2015 (and thanks for all the fish)

2015 has been a very emotionally exhausting year in my neck of the woods. The year also presented some incredible physical challenges and some lingering financial ones. 

Yet in one overwhelmingly spectacular way 2015 was the year our dream came true.  At 11:11 a.m. on June 8, 2015 our spirit baby, Azulito, finally came “home”.  

Some days I still have trouble believing we actually made it here together. Every day I have moments of gripping anxiety that someone or something will take this precious gift away from me. Some wounds leave deep scars. Recurrent pregnancy loss is one of those wounds for me. 

As I look back on 2015 I feel no regret for all the sacrifices, all the suffering, all the debt, all the grief and all the mourning. I feel more alive and more grateful than I could have imagined. Exhausted but deliciously so. 

All of that being said I will not mourn the passing of this challenging year. 

Instead I offer up this wish for one and all:  May 2016 bring new challenges, less grief, no new infant or pregnancy losses to any of us (I can dream, right?) and all the love, compassion and kindness a new year can offer.

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12 thoughts on “So long 2015 (and thanks for all the fish)

  1. As I was taking my makeup off a few moments ago and getting ready for bed I silently asked God what I did to deserve my sweet baby Nora. So many moments I wonder what I did to deserve such a miracle. God bless you and your miracle 🙂

  2. Hi
    I loved reading your blog, it’s given me so much hope. I wanted to ask you a question, I too am suffering secondary infertility and my husband and I have 1-2 mismatches. Did Braverman mention to you to do donor LIT? You didn’t mention it on your blog.

    • Thank you for reading and for your note and kind words. No he didn’t suggest donor LIT for me but I know he does for some patients where it is available. It is available where I am anyway. Is he suggesting D-LIT because you have only the 1-2 mismatches? If you prefer to talk privately please feel free to email (address is spirit.baby.please.come.home at gmail dot com). Good luck on you your journey.

  3. Thank you for such a quick reply! He said if there was one more match then he’d be suggesting it but wondering if I should do it anyway to try to give myself the best chance…

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