Post Traumatic (Reproductive) Stress Disorder

PT(R)SD: It shows up in the strangest places and at the strangest times. 
My stomach tightens. My heart goes cold and beats faster. I feel the familiar rush of terror as I feel outed somehow.
What brought on this episode?

I stumbled onto an airline website. Among the advertising on it was a line that read “Get ova to Boston…”. 

My thoughts giving rise to internal panic:

· They know I flew my frozen embryos from LA to NYC?

· How the hell did they know that about me?

· Who else knows?

· Women/individuals ship their eggs across the continent often enough for an airline to market to that audience?

Then it hit me. 

Boston. Lame accent joke. I wasn’t standing in an auditorium facing tens of thousands without any clothes on after all. 


I exited the website feeling as though this airline had sucker punched me. In the throat. 

My heart is still racing as I type this.

As my lovely friend A says: F#@k Infertility (and recurrent loss).


11 thoughts on “Post Traumatic (Reproductive) Stress Disorder

  1. So many hugs. The PTSD is so real, the effects are so visceral, and the triggers are constantly changing. I remember feeling so relieved at first when a therapist diagnosed me with it, and then chilled at the realization that I would often feel like I was navigating the world blind.

  2. I wish we could all live in our own little cocoons without the world and triggers around us. Safe and sound, to be ourselves without the world’s triggers and judgments. It’s cruel that such a “simple thing” like an advertisement can mean so much and cause so much anxiety and panic, and it could happen to anyone at anytime. I guess that’s all a roundabout way of saying “I’m sorry this happened to you today.”

  3. Infertility and RPL PTSD is REAL. I so wish our fertility clinics and doctors did more to support us in this area. So much mental carnage is left in the wake of the infertility and loss process without given the tools to deal with it all. Big hugs and damn right BLEEP infertility. Keeping it PG on your site but I totally thought the F word 😉 xoxo

  4. Wow. And I just wrote a post about PTSD, too. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I wish I could do more or say more. This trauma is real and it leaves us literally and figuratively scarred for life. Hugs, my friend.

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