The Unthinkable

Yesterday our large very sweet and mild mannered foster dog who was on psychiatric meds for anxiety and whose background was a void bigger and blacker than she was attacked my senior smaller dog and tried to kill her.

I intervened every single way I knew how. Over and over. The sweet lovable foster dog was unstoppable. She lunged under and around my body as I tried to form a human shield, when all else failed.

I have stopped many dog fights. This was nothing like that. I’ve never seen anything like it. A switch had flipped and she could not hear me, see me, or stop.

I screamed and screamed – as loud as I could, not caring who I woke – for help. Nobody came.

Eventually I threw myself over my senior dog, leaving only enough space to avoid crushing her and elbowing the big dog in the face. My old girl bit me, not knowing it was me, fighting as she was for her life.

I got off easy. I have a number of wounds (a foot, a hand) but no stitches and a prescription for antibiotics that should prevent any further physical harm befalling me.

My senior dog needed emergency surgery we cannot afford. I charged and borrowed to do it anyway as the vets had stabilized her and things looked promising if only she could have and recover from the surgery. Then she didn’t. She’s now on life support. I don’t know if she will live.

Other volunteers with the rescue have chipped in, their kindness precipitating more tears.

I’m having trouble living. Breathing. Eating. Sleeping. The lump in my throat is hard and sharp, my nerves jagged and jarred into action every time my phone rings.

Please don’t let it be the vet. Please don’t let it be more bad news.

Everything I thought I knew is in question. I am in question.

The grief is undulating though never softer in pitch than the roar of a stormy sea. I feel… I don’t even know anymore.

I feel at fault.

And here’s the thing. I did – nay, we did (the rescue, professional trainers, vets, vet techs) – everything, literally everything, to avoid this, never anticipating it could happen, this attack, unprovoked, nonsensical. Not by this dog. Unthinkable.

The day before this happened these two dogs were chumming on the couch together. I took a picture as the big dog gave up room so the senior could be comfortable.

I never saw this coming.

And I could not – despite it all – make her stop.

It is hard to keep breathing.

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22 thoughts on “The Unthinkable

  1. Oh my god. I am so deeply sorry. Gut-wrenching to read your experience and your poor sweet senior dog too. Will you please keep us posted? In the meantime I am sending love and, with your permission, some distance reiki to your sweet senior. May it reach her however she needs it.

    • Thank you so much for the energy healing for Hannah. ❤️ she remains in critical condition and still requires a vent to later but for the first time late tonight when I visited her she was awake and recognize me. She started trying to breeze more on her own and looked at me and was blinking and Mr. head slightly. Considering she had a heart attack yesterday while trying to recover after the surgery to repair so much trauma, this feels like a miracle to me. We aren’t out of the woods (the next 14 hours are pretty critical), I have more hope now than I had since she crashed post op yesterday.

  2. Oh no, I am so so sorry that you had to go through this. You are NOT at fault, you could not have seen this coming, no one could.

    Prayers for your old little girl and for you.

  3. I am so, so sorry. Is there something in the air? My mom’s dog went after my dog yesterday out of the blue (they are truly best friends, and it was SO bizarre). I was okay until I saw the blood on the kitchen floor and then I lost it. Fortunately it wasn’t nearly as severe as what you’re dealing with—just a chunk out of an ear. Sending so much love and light your way. Let us know what happens. This is just awful.

  4. Oh my, I am so incredibly sorry. I know how much you love dogs in general and your own dogs in particular. Of course you had no clue this could happen–it’s not your fault. And you did everything you could. My heart goes out to you–I know it’s a nightmare but you WILL get through this. So much love to you ❤❤❤

  5. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, losing your sweet girl. I’m praying you can find peace from this tragedy.

  6. Oh dear God ! I am so sorry this happened. I am glad you were at home when this transpired and did not come in from the office to discover it. What will happen with the dog who attacked? Is the senior dog doing any better? Praying for peace for you and the doggies. Xoxo

  7. I am so very sorry. That must have been so terrifying to experience and I wish you never had to go through that. I have no words but I am sending you love and strength and keeping you and your family in my thoughts as you mourn this loss. Please know it is NOT your fault and I’m certain you were as loving and caring to your pets as you are to your children. ❤ xxxx.

      • OMG girl. I wish there was something I could do to help… I honestly can’t imagine. I complain about my own dog a lot, I love her, she’s part of our family, and I’d be heartbroken if/when she passes. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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