As the Baby Turns – 32w1d and Counting

The fun continues!

Baby Azulito/a has officially turned into head-down position. That may be mostly pointless considering that unless this placenta previa and risk of placenta accreta situation resolves itself, I will be having surgery to deliver this baby but I understand that in Chinese Medicine having baby aligned vertically is important regardless of the delivery method so I’m counting this as a blessing. At least until the baby turns again (which could happen, the little one hasn’t been the most compliant with plans to date).

At yesterday’s OB appointment I was reminded that I’m at risk of having an emergency hysterectomy following the baby’s delivery if my imperfect placenta does not release from the wall of my uterus (or has invaded it, which can be difficult to determine on ultrasound with certainty, I’m told). I know that my OB has to make sure that I understand that this is a risk but I could have lived without the reminder. It is much easier not to worry about something when the last time it was mentioned is more than 3 months ago. The risk of this happening is not great – which is awesome – but the fact that it is a risk at all brings me to my knees every time I think about it. Plan: Do not think about it. And no visits to Dr. Google.

I have been coughing so hard from the respiratory flu I contracted (thank you, LP) a few weeks ago that I’ve pulled muscles and am now experiencing the equivalent of bruised ribs on both sides (worse on the left). This was confirmed by my OB yesterday as being just that and not something more serious, thankfully. Still, the coughing gets me up every night and has worn me out most days. My kingdom for some cough syrup or a good sedative.

I’m now 32 weeks which means about 5 weeks to go. Yesterday I discovered that the scheduled caesarean was mis-scheduled for almost 39 weeks. I felt and heard the panic in my voice as I challenged the date at my OB appointment. I barely contained myself from bursting into tears with my OB. He immediately acknowledged this was not in accordance with his instructions (his instructions were 37 or 37.5 weeks), said he’d have the surgery rescheduled and left a note on my chart instructing the staff to call me with the correct date. The risk of going to 39 weeks is stillbirth, of course, and my anxiety over that has been at an all-time high this past month so I really did not need that emotional kick in the cajones yesterday. I have yet to receive a phone call and I will be calling tomorrow if I have not heard by then. Call me distinctly unhappy about this hiccup.

In other news, I have our next follow-up and first biophysical profile (BPP) ultrasound with the Perinatology (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Clinic at our local women’s hospital later this morning (very soon, in fact). I am praying that baby Azulito/a passes that test with flying colours because more worries is something I can live without. I am also scheduled to speak with the Pediatric Urologist about those enlarged kidneys, what they could mean, how any medical issue with them might get diagnosed after delivery and what treatments could be required if they are not simply “large normal” or don’t resolve on their own as everyone hopes.

The LP is in trial today so I’m going it alone at these two medical appointments (same with yesterday’s little chat about placenta accreta, hysterectomy and messed up delivery dates). This is probably better for him in the sense that he is able to stress and worry less when he is not face-to-face with these realities but I do wish things were otherwise and he could be with me. My nerves feel jangled.

On that note and how to unjangle: Later today, I will be seeing an energy healer whom I’ve never met before. She’s trained in Reiki, Yuen Method and Trilotherapy. If any of you have experience with the latter two practices, I’d love to hear from you! My long-time TCMD and acupuncturist recommended I see this woman after I admitted to being at a breaking point last week emotionally from being sick with the flu, sick with morning sickness that has debilitated me despite the drugs lately, and being scared of this baby not making it out of me alive. She suggested it did not seem to be something physical in origin but energetic or spiritual. I’ve been warned that this healer is “a little out there”. We shall see. It cannot hurt. I hope.

Finally, tonight the LP and I are going on a date (!?!) to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. When we got married, I wanted to go to Italy and be married with two witnesses and nothing else. The LP wanted a big wedding. We did the latter and the deal was that by our 5th anniversary we’d make that trip to Italy that I wanted (I really wanted to get married on the Amalfi coast. Cliché perhaps, I know, but call me romantic and in need of an exotic honeymoon). Well, that’s not going to happen. This is our fifth and we are so in debt as a result of the past two and a half years of trying to have a second living child that a trip to Europe is out of the question. Maybe for our tenth?

It’s weird to think about the fact that we’ve been together for over 8 years… almost 9 years though officially only eight and a half… we have been through so much, suffered so many heartaches and heartbreaks. We each wear many scars from our prior lives and from the wounds that came with forging a life and trying to build a family together. I started trying to get pregnant before we were even married… wow. It has been a rather lengthy and complicated journey. Ten pregnancies later, here I am… praying that baby Azulito/a comes home in our arms, safe and sound, in another 5-ish weeks and celebrating five years of marriage to my soul mate.

Excuse me whilst I wipe away the tears.

It will be a busy day. Wish us luck. Please.

Almost 30 Weeks… Not Out of the Woods Yet

I have decided to stop apologizing for the infrequency of my posts. I’ve been exhausted and feeling lousy. Those are facts, not excuses. My lack of posts is also a fact. So be it.  

Thank you for sticking around if you have and know I don’t blame you for moving on if you haven’t.  Bed of roses it has not been and I get tired of sharing mediocre, self-pitying or bland news.  Instead I’ve been trying to do a better job keeping up with each of you and letting you know I’m still on your cheer team. Go, ya’ll!

As for feeling lousy, the worst part has been occasionally debilitating nausea and some vomiting, for which I’m now on pregnancy anti-nausea medication but this time it has been working much better than in the past. Apart from that I’ve been incredibly tired and rather depressed. 

Work is in part to blame for the latter and I think the anxiety that has never left this pregnancy plays a part, too.  I’ve also recently been wrestling with my feelings over the now virtually-inevitable Caesarean section I am likely to have. 

Damn it. 

I was really hoping my previa (low-lying placenta) would move up as my uterus ballooned in size over the past 11 weeks. No such luck. The MFM we saw last Wednesday suggested I start preparing myself psychologically for a section because in her opinion the fact that two very large placental lakes formed right next to the portion of my placenta that is hovering over the cervical opening (OS) means that portion of the placenta may be less likely or able to move than the healthier portions. That theory would explain why there has essentially been no material movement in the past 11 weeks. 

Curse you, body. Can’t you get any part of this process right?

This past week’s ultrasound brought new worry. Baby Azulito/a’s both kidneys are very large (98th and 100th percentile respectively). No obvious reason could be found on ultrasound and the Perinatologist (MFM) said that in such cases if the issue doesn’t resolve itself by birth it is unlikely a reason will be found before then. Baby can have testing after birth and if the issue is not resolved within a certain amount of time surgery will be required. I have booked my next ultrasound at the Perinatology Clinic in the Women’s Hospital on a day when the Pediatric Urologist is attending from the local Children’s Hospital so I can ask questions and hopefully get some answers and reassurance. 

Of course the LP and I wish we did not have this new worry and that baby A were healthy and would not require testing and possibly treatment right out of the gate. That said, I am very relieved that we are not looking at a serious heart or brain condition instead. Thank heaven for small mercies, right?

In other news, Azulito/a was measuring just under the 75th percentile in weight (3 lbs 8 oz) at 29 weeks, 0 days and had moved into a head-down position. Even a week prior and at every single ultrasound before then baby was lying transverse, meaning sideways across my body. I can’t tell if things have remained the same but there is still enough room and fluid in which to move around at this stage that it really doesn’t matter too much. 

I have been trying not to worry that I may be developing preeclampsia or cholestasis but it is tough to just ignore the weird and seemingly endless discomforts. The nausea with a third-trimester onset freaked out the Perinatologist this past week (I had to stop the tech doing the ultrasound for fear I was going to vomit on me, her and the LP’s trial pants – yet another first!). I had heaps of blood tests ordered by my OB the week prior and all came back normal or close to normal so the Perinatologist didn’t make me repeat them right now. She did give me a requisition for another Gestational Diabetes screen. Sigh. 

I had another autoimmune symptom flare over the past week to ten days as well (coincidental with the surge of nausea and me weaning off of Prednisone for all of 12 hours). I emailed Dr. Braverman and he called me and said that since all of my bloodwork suggested no HELLP or Preeclampsia at the time, he was comfortable with me taking a low dose of Prednisone. I started with 10 mg but the painful and hideous excema around my eyes has persisted despite my being on 10 mg for 5 days now. I do not want to increase my dose back up to 20 mg and hope that does not become necessary. I plan to wait a few more days and see if it gets better. 

Dr. Braverman said there was no real value in doing another round of immune testing because there is a lack of reliable research about effective treatments at this late stage of pregnancy.  For that reason he generally treats a recurrence of symptoms in the third trimester as long as tests show there isn’t something more serious (HELLP or Preeclampsia being the key risks in my case) going on. I fell into that “no evidence of anything more serious going on” category last week and can only hope that continues to be the case in the weeks to come. 

This week I plan to ask my OB for a date or approximate date range when we can expect the section (or induction, if we are so lucky) to take place. I really fear going beyond 37 weeks because of the risk of stillbirth with compromised and older placentas such as mine. That is just over 7 weeks away (I am 30 weeks this Wednesday). The day cannot come soon enough from the anxiety- and discomfort-management perspective. I dream like mad every night and I worry every day.  Not disabled-by-anxiety worry but enough that I feel perpetually worn out and unable to enjoy this pregnancy whatsoever. 

I do not want Azulito showing up too early, however.  I think in about 5-6 weeks with enough notice for a shot to mature the lungs would be okay. I keep trying to remind myself that we are in the home stretch. I also keep hoping and praying that nothing major goes wrong between now and whatever date this child’s birthday proves to be.

I beg and bargain daily with powers greater than me that nothing and no one takes this baby’s life now.  This is my deepest and most overwhelming fear. May it never come  true. 

Please keep wee Azulito in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you. Heaps.